Dare To BARE: Pushing People To Find Comfort in Vulnerability

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To say Helena Javitte is multi-cultural is an understatement. She was born in France to a mother of Vietnamese descent, has a stepmother and half-sister from China, speaks fondly of holidays in Germany, moved to Shanghai to study, and now calls Beijing home. As any expat will tell you, this kind of mobile life creates a network, and usually a vast one. Unfortunately, however, it isn’t always filled with meaningful connections. That's why in her spare time, Javitte started an events program for people like her called BARE.

“BARE came from a need of realizing that in 2016 when I struggled and didn’t know what was going on, as I was feeling lonely despite not being alone, I was only answering ‘I’m tired' when I was asked how I was doing,” Javitte tells Jingkids.

Most of us can relate to this. Too often we don’t want to burden people with our real issues. We convince ourselves that we shouldn’t have problems because we are lucky, smart, well-traveled, and privileged, while so many others have it much worse. As such, at the cocktail party, we put on a happy face, even when we are stressed and scared. We brag about our kids' accomplishments even as we worry about the effects of peer pressure on their mental health and we talk about our next vacation instead of discussing how frayed our job is leaving us. What's more, the online world was supposed to be a safe egalitarian space but more often than not, it can be just as difficult. 

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Constantly comparing our real lives to someone else’s highlight reel has legitimate social-emotional consequences. As Javitte explains, “Our society encourages us to only share about our successes, put a mask on and only show our best side…We compare our reality to a made-up story and set goals that might not be the best for us.”

BARE activities seek to remove the social and emotional barriers that we put between ourselves and others. The group hosts parties, workshops, and conferences that seek to create a truly safe space where vulnerability is the norm, not the exception.

But as Javitte points out, for many people being vulnerable is associated with being weak. She wants to change that perception and believes that true vulnerability is a mark of self-confidence – the ability to share without fear and listen without inflicting our own perceptions.

“BARE’s ambition is to create a movement, where we can listen to each other actively, without judgment…We want to challenge the way we usually network, attend parties, and communicate with our loved ones.”

Their upcoming Drinks With Losers event – taking place this Wednesday, 7.30pm, at Intercontinental Hotel at Sanlitun – is a perfect example. Rather than showing up and starting with the usual small talk, participants are given a card with an ice breaker question on it. Things like "What was your childhood dream?" or "What are you struggling with?" There are also two speakers who will give brief talks about who they are versus how they present themselves, to inspire other participants to be open and honest as they communicate. The goal is to foster real connections instead of idle chit-chat.

Javitte admits, “I’m creating the types of activities that I would personally like to attend…Sometimes it feels good to just be able to engage in personal, thought-provoking conversations, even with strangers. Now, as I feel more closely aligned with my values, I realize I struggle in typical social settings. So, I create the types of environments where I feel safe. If it helps others, even better!”

The next Drinks With Losers event will take place Wednesday, Nov 10 at the Intercontinental Hotel at Sanlitun, at 7.30pm. The event is free, but if you would like to attend please join the WeChat group by scanning the QR Code below so they can have an accurate headcount.

Images: Courtesy of Helena Javitte

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